Thursday, April 19, 2007


My Thoughts at 1300hrs(Lagos Mean Time)

I got an Email from a guy who had a Stapler hurled at him by one of my Managers.
I promptly picked up the Phone and called him up.
He walks in to my office, and i can see the fear in his eyes. He was half quivering and stuttering.

Alaye: Hi J. (I'm smiling so i can put him at ease.*I could be a scary Mofo sometimes*)

J: Good Morning Sir.

Alaye:I got your Email tell me what happened.

J: My Manager, Mr.D Wanted a report ready for a meeting at 9 this morning, i handed it to him and he said it wasn't professionally done.

Alaye:(I'm thinking to meself this guy doesn't look the tardy sort)So what now happeneed?

J: He lost his Temper sir, and flung the Stapler on his Desk at my head.

Alaye:(True true the guy head be like front of Danfo Bus. But That one no be enough reason for Assault ke?)
Alaye: J, I'm sorry this happened. He had no right whatsoever to do that. There are laid down policies against Assault and discrimination in this company. Yadda yadda....I assure you i will deal with this issue ok?

J: Thank you Sir.

Alaye: Let me see the head. (At this point i half expected a Bus conductor to pop out of his right ear. The guy head really be like Danfo wallahi)
Alaye: Sorry 'bout that Son.(feeling bad yet suppressing a chuckle. Omo the head ehn!!)
Alaye: Tell you what Mate, Take the rest of the day off. Grab some pain killers, and get some rest okay?

J: Thank you Sir, God Bless you sir.

As the Guy closed the door. two thoughts crossed my mind. Which kain country be this wey grown ass intelligent man go dey fear like this? Anywhere else in the world we'll get slammed with a law suit faster than you can jump off a moving yellow bus. For crying out loud you just frigging got assaulted in the frigging office. Not just a Slap, but you got a damned Stapler thrown right at your head like a Baseball.Forget the fact that your head be like Ojuelegba Danfo Bus.No be your fault now? Shebi na so your Papa born you. It's no excuse for that happening....No matter how tempting.

Secondly the Stapler hurling Manager must have a Nerve.Apparently he must have been doing this for a while and he's gotten used to it and thinks he can get away with it. The sonofa has got another think coming.
This same idiot ehn, his middle name ought to be inept. As in if you tell am anything he go repeat am to you like Parrot with mouth diarrhoea?(abeg i no fit spell diarhoeea jo. Leave me.)After he repeat am finish, he'll now go ahead and do the exact opposite of what you told him. And the worst i've ever done to him is shout and scream at his sheer stupidity.Yet he fit throw stapler at ol'Danfo head. A guy wey get wife and one Daughter for houose o,a guy wey get Master's Degree o, no be Driver or Cleaner o. So imagine wetin he go do im House girl for house now.Or even his wife sef.

I go show am pepper. I'm waiting for him to roll his big black ugly tummy in from lunch. Mofo is always eating Fufu every damned day.Wears some cheap ass Oshodi packet shirt, and insists the guys under him call him Chief D. (Oloshi, Were town Council).
If he talks trash peren, i might just fire his Polyester wearing ass. We'll see....

lol...sounds like you're having a fun workday..
lol......please don't fire him oh, Naija is hard. But seriously, he had no right to assault the guy
LMAO u have abused the guy die. na wa oh how can someone be throwing stapler at another person in an office again pls deal with the gut well
This comment has been removed by the author.
Is he on crack? A whole stapler? You need to send him for anger management classes..maybe with his pastor and he needs to show you documentation of attendance. Foolicch
lol @ 'head like danfo driver' and 'i half expected a Bus conductor to pop out of his right ear'.
God saved the man that he isnt in a country where he would have to face serious consequences for his unreasonable action o. ehhhhhh nonsense, infact deal with him. That is so unfair.
omigosh! I thought nothing could make me smile again but you did it. You sef, you are not nice. This is a serious matter o and you still noticed the shape and size of the guy's head. Mind yourself o. I don't know about all this talk of leniency. The stapler throwing ape should be fired. Naija or not, you can't treat anyone like that. What rubbish!!!
Give me the guy's address and we'll picket the office equipment hurling bastard.

That is serious iwa ibaje. The guy is an alakori. Nonsense!
Abeg deal with the stapler hurling manager ASAP. You dont want he people working in the office dealing with the fear of having things hurled at them anyday anythime. Next thing it will be Oga don throw cabinet for omoise head.
thats unacceptable behaviour and he should be terminated but then again things work differently in NIG
I sooo want to live in Naija but crap like this keeps me in check...What the hell? Hello... automatic termination!!!!! If you dont terminate him he will make danfo dude suffer for snitching! you know how shit rolls down hill!

Meanwilly...Buhahaha ROTFLMAO at 'Oloshi Were town council' you know I am stealing that shit, I know a couple MOFOS the decription fits to the T" Nice one!!
lmao, danfo fore head,haba babaalaye!
I hate bosses with bad tempers who feel like kings, kini gan? Am sure this happens alot in naija but many people feel they can't do shit about it.
Sue gini? for naija e go work?
Please look into the matter.
lol@polyester wearing ass.
Danfo-head is a sophisticated mumu.

Has an MSC and is using the same head to fend off staplers for free?

4get litigation, if my oga try that one, I’ll staple his tonsils to his balls.

"Not professionally done" Bakwa oku!

Nice post, glad ur back.
Two posts in four days .... you're really spoiling us!

I don't think you should fire the manager even though throwing a stapler at someone is pretty childish. Like you said, he only did it because he has been getting away with it. Maybe give him a warning ... I think everyone deserves a second chance.
I hear this goes on in some offices. Reeks of lack of proffesionalism. I have always been of the opinion that the fault lies with senior management - they either condone it or they actually practice it themselves. They are also the only ones that can effect a change in the workplace regarding matters such as this.

Please deal with the bugger. Let him shake a little. Which one is Chief D again? I would strip him of his title ASAP. Everyone should be on 1st name basis anyways.

Erm, how does someone's head resemble danfo?

Great to 'ave you back, mate!
thats not even funny (though i laughed out loud a couple of times because of the way you narrate).. but i have always been appalled at nigeria's human rights / customer services / anything that has to do with industry, because it is just so bad, it has no structure! how can a man be throwing a stapler at another grown man's head? when he is not a diva like naomi campbell..and that is even in a country where they can sue!
it is sad, i even wonder if nigeria has a working law organization..i know there are lawyers in nigeria but do they actually do anything?
oppression just run through naija people's blood and its sad!
lol..such harsh words
Baba Alaye I have a proposition for you - email me: nobodadi at hotmail dot com
LMAO! Danfo head ke! Only in Nigeria....meanwhile Alaye, you must be the big dog at that company...I dey find job o...
What rubbish! The guy could have inflicted some serious injuries... What if it knocked the victim unconscious and he had internal bleeding (ok a little far-fetched but stilll...)

Such people have inferiority complex and seek to throw their weight about. Please deal with him PROPERLY. He should personally apologise to the victim, (as well as in writing. I as a victim will insist on this) and pay for his drugs etc. plus get a strict warning for disciplinary action the next time it happens.

Curious to see what happens next...
some really retarded shit. that guy is a murder waiting to happen oh, berra do something to the polyester-wearing-fuckface-muthafucka...

I hate oppression... before I take out my anger on my doughnut, make I hail you... WEL CUM BAC
He threw a stapler? Oh my goodness....That is thoroughly unacceptable
Baba Alaye, you are killing me, i'm rolling from this post. tell you, fire the were manager, he has no right whatsoever to do something like that. who the hell does he think he is, God. If you don't fire him, he'll surelly repeat the same thing to someone else.
Welcome back, i missed you so much while MIA.
Fire the ASSHOLE.

The stupid so-called "Town Council" Chief. Oloshi!

Being incompetent himself, he head the audacity to maltreat someone else.

Only in Nigeria!


If possible, fire this ASSHOLE Immediately!

It's a win win win situation. In such a lawless country:

1. The manager will get what he deserves.

2. It'll be a lesson to any other individual with similar behavior or tendencies.

3. The office staff will further admire you, while knowing you don't condone any nonsense.


If possible, Fire the OLOSHI!

Trust me, he'll survive.
Evil Manager... I dont think anger management classes would solve his problem. Unemployment would bring him back to Mother Earth.
hahahahhahahahaha lmaoooooooooo dudeeeeeeee okay wow dats not rite sha ah ahn throwin a stapler at someone, cmon, he needs to get fired jo
Are there laws on assualt in Nigeria?

Discipline this man - whatever forms it takes, even if it is firing him and send an email to all employees stating that this behaviour is unacceptable.

The man is a bully and bullies only thrive in environments that allow them to.

I wish this man worked in my organisation..... he would not survive a minute
Oh my gash I have not laughed this hard in a long time. You just cannot be good looking! You can be ok o but not fine fine as in a fine boy! How do I know? You cannot be this effortlessly hilarious and also have killer good looks- apart from the fact that it aint fair, the 2 never go together...that's how you know that I am not that fine either... I am just ok. Ok I am rambling...
Aburo. I thought you were gone for good that was why I had not been checking . Very good to have you back. Sounds like you have stepped up a gear what with the promotion, mucho dosh etc. I beg make I add you to my Paypal list jo. You pay. I'll be your pal. Life is so simple.

As regards the idiot with the stapler. You should just call him into your office and throw stapler at his head as soon as he walks in to show him what it feels like. As you say he has probably been getting away with that behaviour for years but obviously he has not reckoned on the force called Alaaye. Abi no be so?
wahala dey o, how person go dey throw stapler in the office. but abeg no fire am cos i dey difficult to get job for naija.
That is just unacceptable behaviour but that's Naija for you. People get away with murder - literally. It needs to sop *waving my hands in the air frantically like one possessed*.
hey ya! poor boy wit d danfo head!plz fire d mofo dat threw a stapler at him....its not even acceptable 2 throw a stapler on an animal yet alone a human being.

well sha, i went thru all ur archives lyk i said (well d 1s wit alotta comments)lol.... cos i figured dey'ld be good. all i gots 2 say mehn be say...inshort i bow 4 u.
thanx 2 u by d way..cos now my jaw hurts lyk crazy!
...honestly, that was quite funny.
You know the funniest thing here?
Na the 'diarrhea' spelling...I really had a good laugh...some words are really confusing and difficult to spell...(lol)
baba alaye,
i am an avid fan of your blog. you crack me up real hard.... i laffed so hard the other day, my uncles and aunts had to read your blog and promised to visit it regularly.
its nice to be humourous about the experiences we go thru in life.

keep bringing it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glad to have you back and please do deal with that sun of a Gun mercilessly!
abeg if you dont fire him suspend him!
a whole masters holder dey head stapler for office chei if na me chei!!
i think im in love............
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... @ danfo head.. lol..
LOL! danfo driver head...
Its very sad that these things allowed to happen. but jo don't fire him, think of the child...

ps Very honored that you atopped by
He threw a stapler? Is he mad????
Chei - u don abuse the manager no be small. But his stapler throwing stunt is inexcusable though.

Please take it easy, i think you need to have a firm word with the guy so he knows this kind of behaviour would just not be tolerated, however, pity his family and just give him a stern warning.

Anyway, hurry up and give us all the real berra gist ;o)

Thanks for stopping by.
me...ehn hmh i wud ve sued him, naija or no naija....wats dat???

honestly if u guys start seein compensation cases in d newspaper, it surely is me..warrahell!!!!
Baba Alaye i concur with u jare. Trust me people like that dont respond to words rather they respond to acsan. He needs to be taught a lesson, when it is not like u guys are in CMS fighting for agbero money. Rubbish!!!
Chai! See life...its not good to be ugly oh, idiots will now be stoning your head with all sorts of things.

I can't imagine someone throwing stapler at my handsome fact they never born am well
LOL!!! Please, where do you work? The place is hilarious!
No be Naija?
Stapler to the head ke?
That is brutal. Sack the guy jo. Not now but give him rope to hang himself.
VVho5R Your blog is great. Articles is interesting!
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