Thursday, November 30, 2006

 

I'm totally Scared (1)

I've had so many things on my mind this past couple of days i couldn't even update my blog.
Blog ke? In the midst of all the Katakata wey dey ground? In fact my own personal demons wey dey worry me sef got to siddon for back burner. This water pass Garri.

From where i go start sef? Okay Friday i go Ghana go close one kain quick deal like that. My mind dey tell me say make i no go anywhere but i thought hey, it's one hour away and i needed to sort the wahala out. Cash my cheque and come back to where i get mouth fit talk. My Obodo naija.
The Alhaji wey i go see there na Ghanain o, no be our country man o. After exhanging pleasantries, as we enter the office like this ehn, na back the man take enter. I was like Okayee, it's gotta be a Ghanaian thing no? So nothing to it. but i just felt veery, veery uncomfortable but i told myself it's gotta be the decor.
The whole office was painted blood red with lots of African Artworks and a big ass sculpture of a Woman with a .....well, big Ass. Again i explained the feeling away as bad taste. There must be something wrong with this Ghanaians right? Then after some irritating chit chat he hands me my cheque with his left hand. Haba!! Anyway sha me i collect the cheque. Shit money no dey smell abi? So i said see you later and bounced to the lift make i dey go my house. My Sister, that's how i enter lift o from 8th floor the lift now started creaking and groaning and finally stopped in between floors. Omo, my heart was in my mouth. At that point in time all the Guy's action started coming back to me in slow mo. The other person next to me in the lift was some woman i noticed earlier in the Alhaji's office. And the bitch had this evil grin on her fat black face.
That's how your boy started some mean ass "Mountain of Fire " Prayer o. No fine boy for this one mehn, Fcuk being cute... Na prayer with plenty gra gra. See you. You never pray that kain prayer before ehn? Okay wait there make your Papa go marry Ogbanje second wife put for house. When she go appear for your dream like three times your eye go open. Shio. Na there make you dey. Anyway sha Something just told me this wasn't normal and shit's gone terribly wrong and it's about to go down. But i tell you no lie after praying ehn, i felt something shift in the spirit. For oncen it stopped being that suffocating. I took a look at the Black Mamba woman in the lift with me.She was frowning so hard her veins were about popping. (Shebi i say the woman na Winch) Then the lift came backto life and stopped at the next floor.Me i just rushed down and took the stairs from i think the 7th floor down.

I got back to Lagos and i had 12 missed calls on my phone. My Interim babe in Lagos had been blowing up my digits. Kilode? I started listening to my voice messages and the long and short of the story be say The meat in my soup was contaminated and i shouldn't eat it.
I called her back Which Soup? "Ehn.... the one in the freezer." WTF? How did you know that? When did you discover this? Were they re-calling sold beef at Shoprite?What's all this nonsense? Anyway When i get home we'll iron all this out.
Sebi you go ask me what's the story? Uptill now me sef i no know o. She just came and threw the whole big bowl of Soup in the trash bin. Ewo! Egusi soup that me i had major plans for. I was already dreaming of Wacking some serious Eba with the orisirisi meat and Panla and Bokoto with fried snails inside this very soup. This one i no go gree. You better start explaining girl.
So wetin happen to my soup now?How did the contamination happen? Aja ni o, Eran ni o (Na dog o, na Cat o) she no answer.
Mystery upon mystery. Meanwhile this babe, as i talk before na Interim babe. She's cool and all that but the moment she started hinting at the big M word, i just declare for am say i never ready to marry make she leave me joo. Not like i'm really not ready at least i'm 29 time don dey reach but she just isn't someone i'm gonna marry.You know there are people that you just know say e no go happen lai lai. So BabaAlaye what are you still doing with her now? Or as people are wont to say around this parts "Why are you wasting her time"? Which time now? I don tell am say i no fit marry am na she dey give me close marking. I no lie to the girl. She's good to date, i enjoy her company, Sex is like whoa, but i no wan Marry. na by force? Maybe i'd feel differently if i loved her but i dont. So end of story. Oya go bring your Police come arrest me shio. E dey your body.
I'll have to be treading carefully now sha. No more "Bukky please come over and cook for me for the Week" Make i no go chop the one wey go kia kia dispatch me to where all my Egba Ancestors dey. Abeg i dey find Calabar Housegirl wey sabi cook. If you know any please Hola at your boy.

There's this other thing that sends cold shivers down my spine and wakes me up in the middle of the night in a cold fright.
I'm not sure i should blog about it. But it's weighing heavily on my mind. I want to get it offa my chest. We'll see.

Comments:
Babaalaye don't be scared.....no weapon formed or fashioned against you shall prosper.Try and be strong at least for our sake.Your posts are second to none so please keep writing.
 
I think it is someone that commented on your blog
 
If I ever have a bad feeling etc, I just pray and leave it at that, that's the only thing you can do!

I have a bone to pick with your dividing women into those you sleep with and those you marry. If someone is good enough for you to sleep with, how can you say you wouldn't even consider marrying them!
 
lol @"no fine boy for this one"Yes oh! fine boy doesn't count when some wereh witch is trying to kill you.
Your blog cracks me up all the time and the pple around me are staring to think I'm mad cuz I keep laughing at the computer screen
 
Pls sanctify the cheque with holy water well well before u cash it oh. Anyways as for ur interim babe, i feel for her, maybe she feels u'll give up and marry her, or betta yet she's organizing some jazz for ur ass, lol. Nice post Dude.
 
y her name gotta be bukky ehn
 
Wow. First of all your post was scary. My blood ran cold reading it - i have a vivid imagination. So Ghaninans do jazz as well? I think I've been very sheltered. I know babalawo's and jazz exist but haven't come across anyone who's experienced anything. (thank goodness)

Not making light of it but imagine if the woman in the lift was innocent, i have this funny image of you jumping and shouting prayers at the top of your voice cos the lift was stuck. I mean talk about claustophobia! But again - i dont mean to make light of it - glad you got back safe and you are well. Do what teekay said to the cheque oh!

As for your interim babe, at least be glad she didn't try to poison you and let you eat bad meat. As for her status - she's holding on because you said you're not ready to marry, which isn't fair to her. She thinks there is still hope that someday in the future, you will decide its time to get married. What you should say is I dont want to marry you. If she still chooses to hang around after that then that's her problem. Just be totally honest.
 
Thots on "Interim babe" - Is this phrase not just treating women like objects? Your language about her kind of gives the vibe that she is just a temporary object.

Its really not right to speak about her like that. I hope you realise that what goes around comes around - someday someone may also make an "Interim bobo" of you and treat you like trash.
 
@ Annon Thanks

@Nosa What you on about son? Explain.

@Vickii. No mind them. They never plenty reach.
On the dividing Women issue.I'm not doing that. Actually, she's Wifey material Bukky.I just don't love her enough. She's a great, wonderful person the spark just isn't there.

@Tiwalade. Abeg take it easy o. Me i no dey o

@Teekay. Enough prayers for the Cheque o. I don cash the thing that very day sef.

@Bhookey. Sorry Mami. I go send your Royalty cheque.

@nono moss. Baby girl the thing na for real o. One has to be prayerful at all times. What astounded me was the fact that the thing dey quite widespread for Ghana. I previously thought it was limited to Nija forget o.
As per the Interim babe me i don tell am say i no go fit marry am. She vex comot, she come come back begin dey cook orisirisi food 1 week later.Wetin i go do now? You know say i like food well well plus the babe come get correct action.

@ annon. I'm not a misogynist. And i hope you're not that particular annon that has been leaving annoying comments on my Blog.
 
One of those anon guys have sworn for you. start apologising
 
Oloshi buruku!! Calabar Housegirl Ko, Ibo housegirl ni!! No marry wife put for house make she dey deliver sumptuous dishes for ur dining table everyday. Dey dere dey wait for Calabar House Girl!!

I agree with anon 2. I would like to see a girl make u an 'onterim bobo' and then u'll see how it feels when you keep babes on the line and tell them u're not ready to marry then but the sex is good!! Yeye Boy!!

LOL at ur Ghana Experience. Thank God you came out of that lift alive!!
 
@ nosa. I'm very tempted to disable annonymous comments even tho i hate censorship. I'll deal with them later.

@Calabar Girl. hehehe i had posted the blog and i re-read it one more time and i saw the Calabar girl part. Right there and then i knew i was gonna get nailed to a styrofoam cross by the one and only, big bag hauling Calabar Girl.No vex abeg.

I've been used before plenty times sef. For different reasons. The Ingenious part be say i no dey ever know say dem dey use me.A whole me BabaAlaye. Women dey cunning and smart no be small sha.

No problem as you talk am now i go go Marry. You get junior Sister wey sabi cook Edi ka ekon(I no fit spell am but i fit chop am)?
You no say i dey gbadun my food well well. Hola @ your boy.
 
Leave baba alone he is being honest and transparent in his blogging .
The blog will not be what it is without honest posts .
naijatube.com
 
Hilarious as usual.

It's a good thing you're able to make us laugh over a serious situation. I think you handled it rather well...
 
lmao@mountain of fire prayer.. you cracked me up with "make your Papa go marry Ogbanje second wife put for house. When she go appear for your dream like three times your eye go open".. lol.. babaAlaye.. you have experience with ogbanje ppl?! lol... sex is like whoa eh.. i hope she's not going to visit baba mutiu for you oh.. be careful cos these marrying babes in Naija can be devious sometimes oh.. i hope you're alright oh.. these one you're waking up in a cold sweat.. abi do you have malaria.. shelltox your place KIA KIA!! lol
 
@ annonymous.Abi o my person.

@ azuka.Thanks for the vote of confidence jare.

@Overwhelmed. Latecomers assistant.
The thing no easy o my Sister. She don dey display like Power Rangers for me.I'm being very patient but she dey try me gan seriously.
Tori dey for ground i go update when i get small free time.Right now i'm too sleepy.
As per Mosquitoes no be even Shelltox sef. na Baygon
 
lol.. first off, thanks for reminding me to soak some garri while reading ur blog... but u dint finish your story.. what was up with the dude from Ghana and how did ol girl know ur food was bad?
 
Babalaye-still could not git the gist of y ur gurl threw out the soup? Se na aje? D elevator part got me anxious but I guess d reel creepy part was it stopping half way.

Now kini calabar housegirl comment? Abeg let's stop stereotypes. Most calabar people ti mo mo r highly educated n not in anybody's kitchen. Den no be house maid. Pls. Stereotypes must go!!! D ones I hear ova n ova dat we all must work on not being a part of perpetuating stereotypes:

1. Edo girls = Ashawo
2. Ibo men = violent n wife beaters
3. Calabars = Omo odo
4. Yorubas = perpetual dirtiness n laziness
5. Hausa = beggars

I know too many people from across these sub-ethnic groups that do not fit these stereotypes. Re: calabars as omo odo, just bcos our country encourages slavery, especially among the rich that take these young children to do their dirty work instead of them being in skool, don't mean u gost to perpetuate dat. Look at Cross river n what their governor has done. Calabar is an oasis n the leading Nollywood Actresses like Ini n Caroline r putting it down. Abeg small small.
 
The person who made the "sanctify the cheque" comment had me rolling. You are true Naija person. U know suggest make my guy throway check and run. nope. It still boils down to that grind. Make that bread.
By the way, Jazz is prevalent in several cultures. It was widespread in Europe before the Stamped most of it out of the popular culture. It is still found all over Africa and S.America and very prevalent in W.Africa and places highly influenced by W.African culture hence the Haitis and Jamaica.
Sorry for the History/Anthropology lesson.
 
my first time reading your blog and am cracking up. i need to start mine so i can add you to my favorite list. you are so funny. i almost piss for body. i hope you are not making this up but you are an entertainer.
 
i totally agree with argus-eyed..i love your blog, it is completely hilarious... i wan die for laugh here...keep blogging..
as for the part of a woman not being wife material...but shag material... in your words..WTF!!! lol... i still love your blog tho... keep keeping it real...
 
Baba you need Jesus meen!anyways...this 2 years ago...I hope you have Him now sha!
thank God you got out of that lift safely...
 
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