Intel Inside

That's how my Phone was now ringing early on Sunday morning o. Nobody calls me on a Sunday morning ever. I mean never ever.

Okay so i pick up the phone reluctantly and it just took one 'Hello' to know dude dialled a wrong number. You know how it is when someone goes 'Hello' and you know without a doubt it's a Domestic staff or your Tailor ok sorry your Designer lol, or Sikiru your Mechanic calling you from Ladipo "Oga your money no reach to buy Crank shaft o". Shuoo! Why are you forming now? Oh you no dey use Local Mechanic sorry o. My bad. Ajebutter. Na Coscharis Autos dey Service your Range Rover Jeep pele o. Look make i tell you true story If you escape Sikiru or Morufu because you get Brand new car ehn, You better go buy a Private Jet too. You are asking me why? Okayee, make i tell you. There are no Certifications in Naija for Aeronautical Engineers. How does that affect you? Listen make i tell you now, This means that when a Plane lands at the Domestic Airport in Lagos en route to Abuja or Sokoto or wherever.If you are priviledged/unfortunate to walk down to the Hanger you will be shocked to your bone marrows.
Here's the scenario.
A plane(Insert name here ADC, Chachangi, Belview, warever) is leaving in 20 mins. The Cabin Crew complained to management about Shaking, extreme Rattling and an unusual loud noise from the Engines, plus the tyres aren't retracting. Serious stuff right?
Wrong. Solution = 2 Sunburnt ugly, smelly "Aeroplane" Mechanics jump on the scene. They are tracing fuel lines, and while you are checking in, they are checking tyre pressure. Be prepared to hear stuff like "Morufu fun mi ni 10 spanner" "Jamiu fun mi ni 6 flat"(Morufu pass me the 10" Spanner and the 6" flat screwdriver)
I kid you not. And People are surprised planes are dropping off the skies like Bird shit.

Wetin i dey talk before sef? Ehen, So that's how my phone was just ringing on Sunday sha
i now picked up the phone and a gruff voice at the other end "hello this is Corporal Inyang" I'm like "wrong number mate" and he goes "is that BabaAlaye"? I do a double take. Emm ...Yes it is...*Lord what is it now* "Oga your friend is here in our custody he wants to speak with you".

At this point i'm totally gobsmacked.I mean WTF? then the dude gets on the phone Good morning it's your friend Peter. I'm like Peter who??? The only Peter i know has a Roman Church named after him and he's been long dead. I don't know you o!!! Abeg where did you know me from. (I was quickly losing it at this point.)

You are laughing at me abi? It's not your fault. 2 days "cooling your heels" in a Naija Detention cell will change your outlook to life. Trust me on this one.
Anyway sha, na so the guy come talk say "Babaalaye i was at the Estate park with you on Friday. It's Peter from your Church". Okay, the Coin dropped at this point. I remember the guy now. He was a somewhat slow dude who attends my Church in the Home fellowship (well...the few times i turn up there lol) and was talking about me helping me out with a job and sturves. Nice enough chap but presently going through a rough patch and he doesn't seem too quick on the uptake.

Well, Church or no church me i no want wahala so i'm like "Dude what did you do? "Why are u at the Police station"? And "Why are you calling me?" Then he started mumbling some incoherrent stuff, and the impatient Police man jumps on the line and starts to explain his offence.

Here's what happened. The Dude (Shebi i said he's a "job seeker") ehen. He had gone out on Friday morning looking for employment. E don waka all of Broad street, Marina, Adeola Odeku,
Sanusi Fafunwa, all the VI streets sha in fact the guy go don sabi road pass Okada driver sef. still no show. He was broke and didn't have any money for Transportation so he walked home on an empty stomach.To make things worse, his uncle who's BQ (Boys Quarters)he was squatting at was out of the country. So what's a desperate Man to do?

He bids is time, waits until it's almost check out time, and confidently walks into the Estate's fast food Restaurant, walks into the Men's room, and promptly locks himself in.
2 hours later Dude Emerges from the Toilets, looks around furtively for a minute, he's sure no one's around and makes his way straight to the Food section and turns on the light.
Mehn!!! The sight this guy must have seen.... A hungry man looking at Juicy Fried Chicken and Fried Rice, and Fried Snail, tens of packs of chilled Orange juice, Pineapple juice. Heaven!!!

Na so the guy carry plate begin the feast of his life o. Infact ehn!!! the guy ate and his soul was satisfied, then he went to the Childrens Corner to sleep.

The Shop Manager got in the next morning and saw several crushed chicken bones in a plate and empty packs of Orange juice. I guess he musta been alarmed at first but upon closer inspection, money wasn't missing from the till. So i guess after heaving a sigh of releif that his Job was still intact he eventually finds our Man Peter curled up at the Kidddies section sleeping blissfully.
To cut a long story short sha na so Police come arrest the guy o. But the Restaurant didn't want to press charges since he didn't steal money or anything. They only wanted his bill cleared.

So that, in a nutshell be the story wey i glean off Corporal Inyang and Peter the midnight Ninja. I felt releived that the guy wasn't in Custody for Armed Robbery or anything Major like that. Then i started feeling bad that things can actually get so bad that a fellow man will have to resort to pulling stunts like that just to stop the hunger pangs gnawing away inside of him.
I had to go "bail him out" from the Police Station and i paid off the Restaurant.(I made a mental note note to spend a dime there anymore) If they can't let go of something that trivial, something must be seriously wrong with the world. Duh!!!

So i get a text from Peter this morning. He's gotten a Job at a Bank in Lagos as a Mail Man. I feel so good and happy for him I guess it's good news friday.. At least another one off the unemployment line. It's a tought place this. You'll never know what people are going through in Naija at the other end of our air-conditioned cars, running around in the hot sun trying to sell a phone recharge card. Just so they can eat.
People here are so tough they'll survive a Holocaust and still crack a smile.

This Christmas can i challenge somebody not to buy that PSP, or XBox, and i'm sure that Jimmy Choo is to die for, and you've been dreaming about that Hermes bag. But Can we please make at least one person back home in Nija smile.Do a Western Union Transfer to Grandma or Uncle or that Auntie that you used to look up to while you were still in Naija, but now looks all haggard and weatherbeaten due to the severe hardship in this country. Pleease just reach out and love someone p-l-e-a-s-e. I'm sure you know at least one person who needs it.
Every little helps. (Sorry Tesco)