Intel Inside

My People. I don come again o. How una dey? Merry Christmas and Happy New year.
I wan pray so if your head no gree prayer, skip this part and start scratching your head.

May this 2007 bring you all joy and Happiness, May it be the year of actualisation of your dreams. May you Soar through the Skies like an Eagle. May God strenghten you, may he protect you and your family. This year you will achieve things you gave up on in years past. You will tower way above your enemies, You will go from breakthrough to even greater breakthrough and it shall be well with you.When your mates are wearing authentic high end Couture labels you will not be rawking "very good imitation". You will not ride shotgun in your mate's BMW. You will gangsta lean in your own Bentley, Paid for. Naija style. CASH. No silly payments. You will succeed. Amen.
And if you like no say Amen na you sabi. Na my free prayer for this year for you be that. And Baba God dey always answer my prayers that's why na only once a year i dey pray so i wont clog up the request line. Oya stop scratching your head. Chei, see Dandruff. You need to pull them braids out. E don do. Haba, since Before Christmas kilode?

You guys got me all mushy and all with the Blogger Awards thingy. I'm totally tickled.I didn't think i had the patience or the skill for Blogging. This is just a part of my personality but the "written word" part. I'm usually in the middle of the room at a house Party cracking people up, and making the girls drink come right out of their nose after laughing so hard.So some people said hey "Alaye you should have a Blog" Funny thing is most of them don't even know i have a Blog. Although i'm getting busted every other day. Oh well sha. Most Entertaining Blogger Emi nikan tan? (A direct translation won't make sense if you don't speak Nigerian English. Olawunmi help!) But for everyone who voted for me thanks for the love. I'm glad to have been part of your life for this 2 months i've been Blogging.

I got back and i totally forgot my Blogger Password. Can you imagine that? .....Sharrap! i no be olodo. Na crime to forget something? When the jollofing dey too plenty ehn, infact that na tori for another day. I fell in love every night of my first week with a different girl. Kai, God is the ultimate creator. i never see where one single girl go be part black, part indian, part philippino, part venezuelan, eye go be like cat, shape go be like Mammy Water. No be the Local Mammy Water for Lagos Bar Beach o! Correct Ajebutter, Exotic, slinky Carribean Mammy Water with rare seashells in a Prada Purse. Those chicks are a different species altogether. Kai! No forming, no Shakara, warm and inviting. I swear i didn't come back with one single "Durex Avensis max" (wink, wink). And if you know how many dozens of packs i carry go there ehn?
Meanwhile i swear by Durex Avensis Max. Those things are super sensitive.I mean realllyy super s-e-n-s-i-t-i-v-e. Guys trust me on this one.

Anywhoo, the Dust in this Lagos ehn? If you open your mouth long enough you'll get a Duster and Mr. sheen to clean your tongue. No be lie. My Cars looked like they've just been driven through the Desert. Omo this Harmattan no be beans o. Even gan sef,My house is Coated three time over with Dust. And that's plus pe i locked the house up o. The weirdest thing of all is that someone or something has been drinking my liquour. Wallahi no be the level wey the thing reach before i comot be that. My keys are with me, everything is intact, nothing stolen. Even gan sef, i forgot about $1000 downstairs on the table, in my haste to get to the Airport.
It was all there. Complete. Dusty, but intact. But my Bottle of Hennesy wey i never drink reach 3/4 sef don dey almost empty. And guess what? No dust on the bottle. The bottle dey shine sef like say someborry was dilligently cleaning the bottle every morning. At least the person for kukuma help me clean the rest of the house now shebi? I told my Step sister, She said i should count how many fingers she held up in front of my face. I told her 6. Yeye! O ti ri omuti. (I no sabi talk English tell Overwhelmed to translate.)

Shebi i said i had a Crush on a Blogger before i comot. Ehen, Lately i've been having very sweet very real dreams about this Blogger. Wallahi no be small sef. So sha in the course of this dreams, at the really interesting point, You know now, When the flimsy La Perla silk something is about to slide off her curvy booty, Calabar girl shows her face, dey preach, and starts to burn my cable. She go just dey hala "don't do it girl, Alaye is a bad guy. He's a Womaniser, Igba, Awo". Shuo! Yeye! you dey ask me how i know say true true na Calabar girl? She dey introduce herself now! Seriously. I no dey joke o. After she don talk finish na so that my fantasy Blogger go just do like say person press Rewind. She go just wear her Panties, her sexy, red see through bra, her black pants, her little top, quickly re-apply her lip stick and before i say "hold up" she go don comot. Without as much as a kiss on my cheek. While i'm nursing my blue balls and fuming.
So anyborry wey know Calabar girl help me beg am o. She's messing up my high. Can't a man dream in peace? She don Marry make she allow single girls catch their fun now! Abi kilode gan?
She should stop putting sand sand for my Garri. In fact i dey go beg am for her Blog today sef.

Meanwhile i'm not revealing the name of my Blogger crush. I'm sure she knows herself sha.
Hola.