Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Danfo Head. (The Update)

I didn't fire him!!!
I so badly wanted to. I swear i really, really wanted to. I summoned him upstairs to my office and he came eating an Apple. I was mad!!!. Now, there's nothing wrong in eating an Apple at work or anything. To be honest if any other person had walked into my Office eating an Apple i wouldn't have batted an eyelid. I could even crack a joke like "are you trying to lose weight or we're just not paying you enough" blah blah. But this guy mehn, he's just the pants. I was just irritated just seing that black face and round grotesque shape.and he come dey make some kain pig -like sounds and i could imagine Saliva dripping on my floor.Omo, the guy dey hideous.Remember Tin Tin?, Snowy the dog and Captain Haddock? Remember the time they went to Congo and there were those Very black Pygmies with bulgy eyes, and big red lips? Ehen, come imagine that kain person for my office they chop apple.

So of course now, i told him to please go out and come back when he was done having lunch.
Then he said "Ah this is not lunch o, I've already had lunch(Rubbing his disgusting tummy as he's talking) this is just Desert" ha,ha,ha,.
I just had this dead pan expression on my face and i was wondering what was so funny? I didn't crack a joke, you didn't crack a joke, so why are you laughing??? What the hell is so funny?
I wonder why people do that rubbish. I ask a question, then you answer with a short laugh, and you're rubbing your hands together nervously at the end of your statement.This guy does it a lot, My Driver does the same thing too. And a couple other people.I don't get it it just looks very shifty to me. I see a lot of people do that stupid laugh around my Father, and these are grown ass succesful Men.
Long thing sha, i just dey there dey look the guy just staring at him and not saying anything. Then he started fidgeting.
The Idiot now started digging his own grave. "Ehn, We will win the Presidential Election he, he, he, I know so and so doesn't stand a chance" At this point my face went from a Blank stare to Murderous look. He quickly shut up mid-sentence and his mouth was opening and closing like Eja Titus.
I could have strangled him. Idiot! Who is "We" do i know you before? Eranko! Presidential ko? PDP ni.
If this guy knew a little bit about me, he'd know i never discuss Politics at work as in NEVER. It's a taboo subject for me.
At that moment i wanted badly to throw his ugly ass out the Window, but i couldn't erase the picture of his wife from my mind. She's one of those quiet, soft spoken women with very sad eyes. She looked like someone life had dealt many blows and most of the blows i'm sure had been delivered by the Sugomu standing in front of me with a half eaten apple looking like an Atoole(Bed wetter).
Picture this. You know when the Bible says patience and long-suffering? Ehen, that's the Woman.
It's a good thing a few people talked about his family in the comments section of the original post because omo, i wasn't even thinking along those lines. I just wanted to get rid of the Baboon.
Only say I would have been unleashing a demon both into the unemployment Market and most Dangerously into his home. Shey man wey no take care of his wife when plenty money dey wetin go come happen when e no get work? The poor woman go just die.( I wonder what he does with his money tho'. 'Cause he's really quite well paid.)

Sha, i just read the guy the Nigerian Riots act and when i saw that i had put the fear of God in his bone marrows, i told him to scram. I also told him that ehn, if he as much as imply, not threaten o, just imply any sort of retribution for Danfo head, He'll be up in my office discussing his lack of a Termination Package.

What! Am i first!!!!!!!!!?
I will like to thank my parents, my internet service provider and all my friends...lol
Anyways, the dude is an idiooooooooot!
Nigeria needs to 'deport' all these type of people asap!
Noooooooooo, second! going to read. Damn you Bella
lolllll, @ the fact that you still called him danfo head. Poor dude, hope this dude doesn't 440 his ogo.
Yes, you did it for his wife, God bless! I still would have insisted on, at least an spoken apology to be offered directly to the victim. I most certainly would have insisted on it, being the victim! Silly, silly man. In fact, the guy is an idiot, picking on others....
How considerate... the dude better go and thank his wife.

@ Bella Naija - deport them to where ? I dont think any other country would take them.. well maybe Australia (since they have the most dangerous animals) hehe I sound almost as mean as Babaalaye.
Awww, baba. Nice of u not 2 fire his ass. Nigerian stuvs mehn, it must be fun working with our people in a "Professional" environment
lol! u really r very fuuny and ur write ups are always easy and fun to read!!

The amazing thing is if u did fire him, he would have gone round telling people his wicked oga sacked him for no reason!!
I'm upset o. You should have fired the yeye man joo. Woo, I'm really feeling your description of this guy, atoole, eja titus...priceless.
Baalaye is been nice?, yeee The world is coming to an end.
hahaha,am just joking sha but its good that you considered his wife . You saved her a lot of wahala that would have come from an unemployed husband.
You did well.You let him stay.But you should have threatened him a bit more.You should have asked him how he would have felt if he had a stapler thrown at his own head.
Nice one! The dude is a twit! Alaye, I burst out laughing first at the blackie from Tin Tin, then "eja titus", then "sugomu", and then "atoole" Dude, you're hilarious! Post was funny as hell...fire the bastard next time he threatens olori danfo!
Yeah you are very funny, something about you screams dead sexy. But that guy sounds superbly disgusting. & I know that stupid laugh and hand dance gesture all too well. Ughhhk
what does said Baba Alaaye (or whatever)have to say about the nonsense and rubbish elections his 'baba alaye'engineered in last saturday's elections?
I remember a certain farmer/baba alaye who beat a soldier with atori in his cursed 1st term and told the ppl of Ejigbo to 'Sharaap' after the 2003 explosions-
blog is interesting and all...but any reference to that inept buffoon we have as a president really,really irks me and makes me just want to tell u to shut up!and ask una papa some questions
"why do u read his blog,who forced u,it is his blog,who are you,go and die (right back atcha),we love baba alaye kekere,"
same way i really want to hear what Bush's twins have to say
Lol..lol...I love ur use of words..geez how did u rem "tin tin"? U really cracked me up.
Ok lemme be serious now, good u ddn't fire the guy sha just cos of his wife cos men u r so ryt God knows wat more wahala d poor woman would have had to contend with...but if he tries it again abeg chase am comot...lol
Babaalaye, take it easy with the 'atoole' insult. Some of us, and I'm not saying me, used to 'toole' in our younger days. I suppose that had a lot to do with the shadow of Indira Ghandi that used to appear mysteriously on the ceiling of my bedroom after she was assassinated. Anyhoo, funny blog. I can just imagine the guy rubbing his fat beer laden tummy and apple juice dripping down his triple chins. Chei!! And thanks for taking me back to my Tin Tin comic days...I miss that guy!
Miss thang,I don't think this is the right medium to air out your grievances.
how nice of you, i wonder wat u look like, u really crack me up; have a way with words and why do all these interesting things happen to u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyhoo, cant wait for your next posting......................
miss thang is very uncouth. I might have an idea where you are coming from but it is your lack of wisdom that made you utter such. Pay better attention next time in college, if you have ever been and if it is even worth its weight.

Many of us current generation have useless fathers blatantly speaking, and so then is it our fault? That is why we make our own way and indirectly distance ourselves from past curses. What sort of STUPID questions should he be asking the baba? Do your own nigerian parents take your questions and opine into consideration during the course of their business dealings? This of course assuming your parents had the leverage to do so.
Damn anon, take it easy oh. lol. That was a serious diss right there.

@ Baba Alaye: Great blog. First time reading and you crack me up. I laughed so hard with the "atoole" comment. lol. Havent heard that in a while.
anon,your own parents get the leverage abi?baba alaye three...lol
doesnt sound like she didn't go to college-hehe
whether valid point or not,wrong forum thats all..sounds like a frustrated nigerian who didnt get to vote...
baba alaye..carry go
thank god we all dont have 'useless fathers,blatantly speaking'! that got me laffing hard...is your dad a governor/president/one of those useless fathers...
miss thang is not uncouth...she shld bring this up on naija village square
Bella, ur hilarious...
Babaalaye..so ur this considerate, awwww thats so sweet....
By the way, when are u going to give us preggie buki's gist...are u sure its not urs...maybe u slipped and went there during ur break from blogging...oya start confessing.
Baba Alaye no go kill me o! LOL! MISS THANG you're a real fool! all you idiot mumus that don't have common sense. Read blog finish and have the nerve to abuse somebody's father. shey na because your own papa na palm wine tapper? i'm sure your own father looks like a monkey, idiot! dumbasses like you are so rude and jobless and stupid. i bet you wouldn't say it to his face. FOOL!
Baba Alaye update abeg, ur stories are sweet. And enable comment moderation.
wow, didnt know this guy was obj's son!mmmm...can see why the office would have been in a tizzy when they discovered your blog...
FORREALLY-i'm sure baba alaye has grown a really thick skin to all the yabis directed at the baba... you sound uncouth...not miss thang...some maturity abeg...can we just enjoy the posts without part 2 in the comments
these comment 'WARS'!!!
forreally sounds like those propaganda naija peeps-'ur father is a monkey,palmwine tapper'lol
very childish sturves
post was d%@n funny as usual-and this danfo head guy is in a senior position anywhere?
Peeps stick to the script abeg.....dissing guys parents is a bit low.

p.s Miss Thang you are a real gumba
Well done alaye,
That should keep him in check.
I pity his poor wife though, she'll have to remain with an idiot like him for the rest of her life.
I just got introduced to this blog a few days ago and I'm hooked! It's nice to get gist of how 9ja is faring these days from a source that you can relate to. Keep it up son. As for the dude, make sure he doesn't get others to intimidate danfo driver or e go wound oh
great as always,.
once a fan, always a fan..
Wow! Well done, not firing his ass. I wonder how many ogas stop and think about sorrowful wives when making decisions? @ Atoole or whatever it was, and the blackies from TinTin - LOLOL!!
Wow, I haven't heard any reference to Tin tin in such a long time ... you're really showing your, ahem, our age!

Glad you didn't sack him though and hopefully if he knows what's good for him, he'll keep his head down and do his work quietly from now on.
@Bella: Deport them to where? who will take them?

Could someone please tell me what this 'Eranko' thing is? Let a sister in.

However, LOL@ 'Bedwetter' comment. Funny stoy, as always.
ehn ehn u read the Riots Act 2 him..speaking my language......

Good u didn't fire his ass, but u should've thrown stapler on his danfo head...... by mistake
Damn! I was sooo hoping you would fire him! Oh well I guess you are Mr. nice guy....QB woulda been fired his punk ass for shizzle. If MOFOs like him knew such actions comes with consequences...they will treat folks better…..Atoole buruku! Meanwhilly.... poor danfo head…omo I should take him to lunch or something… as a matter of fact you take him and send me the bill!
As usual, some Nigerians continue to illustrate a lack of understanding about the concept of respect. Some of us simply maltreat those e feel are 'beneath' us as if they are not human beings. Too bad you didn't fire him, but hopefully he will learn to respect his colleagues. ( I doubt it, though).
@bella: LOL! deport ke! to where? bakasi? LOL

well, your judgement is fair, no doubt... I hope he gets his shit together that osama-staplerthrowing-polyesterwearing-appleeating-lafffornoreason-danfoheadhating-sadlookingwoman'shusband-saddamist-abachaist-hitlerist-MFK
lol..u r nicer than most people i know oh..

Behind every foolish man, is a sensible woman
I guess God put us in this world for a reason.....lol..Thank God for us oh..
Lol!!! Your yabbings are one in town mehn! The guy was rubbing his belly? Ode! But sha i like that you put his wife into consideration with your decision, cos you know she'll get the bad side of it.
your blog is just soooooooooo funny u've got me in stitches, am not one for reading blogs but boy am i hooked, thx to a friend who insisted that i read your's.... pls ensure u keep bloggn....lo, ure new fan....lol.M
I think you handled the fool well.

You should have required him to apologize to the individual he assaulted.

That is more humbling than the "fear of God in his bone marrows,"

which, by the way, was very funny.

"the Sugomu standing in front of me with a half eaten apple looking like an Atoole(Bed wetter)."

Baba di baba...that cracked me up silly..and lol at the name danfo head...the head must be serious...wish i cud see it...

Am happy u didnt sack the stupid guy..am sure he has learnt his lesson n he wont be flingin any more staplers at anybody anymore...
baba alaye, Funmi Iyanda has a crush on you o! lol. check out her space,now!
heheheheh, abeg, I laugh tire, your description of the guy alone, is punishment enough, and yeah, that laughter thing, it gets on my nerves as well!
...eating an apple!>...U r very patient!!....what?!!...WOW!!...LoL, hmmmm

meanwhile, Lmao @ Bella...and "Atoole"
BabaA..I literally just discovered your blog today o! From Funmi Iyanda's site. Now I totally get what the blogland madness has been about since u've been gone & why u were missed so much! Your humor is wicked and now I'm hooked. See me o, I have work to do..I've been reading ur archives instead. Luuuvin' it..LOL.
I'm adding u to my luv list 4 sure.
lol Nice Blog. Mehn d guy must be on ur last nerves.....lol, at least u considered his wife.
the guy is that bad eh???? as for having dealt his wife alot of the blows that life had given her, its just sad. God said we should wife be submissive to your husbands but he never meant," dnt worry, let your husband kill you". its just sad. Thanks for visiting my blog.hope you visit some more :). Nice blog you have as well
I reckon the best outcome out of the whole sorry saga with danfo head and blubber puss would be for you to create a no-violence/no-abuse policy in the workplace. This would take the form of a simple document that is handed to all staff, and forms part of an updated staff manual. It would define different types of abuse (physical, sexual etc) and provide details of sanctions/disciplinary measures. There's too much master-slave bs in Nigerian organisations. Anti-abuse policies are the way to go.
WHOA! people throwing staplers at peeps in Naija! Imagine him coming 2 ur office munching an apple! He sounds like a right arsehole!
lol!!this is funny...
First time here.
Great writing. I actually laughed at his response to the lunch instruction.
Classic stupdity
I know that laugh very well. Saw a lot of them from grown up men around my parents when we wer growing up too. Its called the 'sucking up' laugh.

Its a good thing you didnt fire him cos its his family that will bear the brunt of his actions. Lets hope the stapler throwing incident dosent happpen again.

P.S: Pls PM funmi when next you update. She wants to be a hot contender in the race to be first in ur blog's comment section. (smile)
this guy, you should have threatened the guy with all the fires in hell. that would have worked better. and he would still have got to keep his job!

now i fear that the complaining staff member will have to watch his back. look out for the retribution in the form of senseless victimisation of the subordinate.

dis guy, u funny die sha. lol. still loving your writing. later
Yeah I just found out who Babalaye is. Yeah I know you all know who he is now. Check out his brother, Dare's blog. He's somewhere in the flickr pix set (4 the dad's 70th Bday). Go figure!

If you don't know who Dare is, don't bpther!
LOL! Dolly - u should've thrown stapler on his danfo head...... by mistake
Nice one! but the guy wont feel it (imagine a danfo head)...a printer would hurt more.

Idemili - 'Eranko' means a wild beast...could be anything from a werewolf to a neanderthal.

Damn the guy must be fugly (fuckin ugly)
lmao@bella naijas comment.. babe you'e funny... babaalaye.. this is too bloody hilarious... i can just picture the kind of individual you're talking about.. i feel serious pity for him wife.. but you try sha as you no fire the yeye man
Okay you had me rolling on the floor with that "atoole" insult right there..that was a low blow..lol...its been a hot minute since i heard that...lol...Memories mehn!!! times like i feel like catching the next flight to naija...

Anywho, glad you didn't fire the guy...so if i may ask, did you choose to spare him 'cuz of his wife?? or you chose to do so out of the goodness of your heart???...i beg to believe the later...our very own babaalaye has a heart...whoopitty..doopityy..doo!!!...lol..Anyway, you did great...you just saved his ass from queing on the unemployment line...ooops! my bad...there is no unemployment office in naija...so i guess roasting corn on the side of the road would have been his next option...either way...on his behalf i say a big thank you for giving dude a chance to redeem himself.
BABA ALAYE you are a big foooool
HAHA!! I can't stop laughing. I'm a newbie to your blog and I have to say, you are a very funny man.
What is going on? have u abandoned us? i have been checking every minute on the minute.... nothing new...pls. pls. pls om almost loosing it...are u ok?? did someone throw a stapler at you? are u and your blog wife on another honeymoon?
anyhoo...just let us know u r fine.........
Baba now! Its been over a week!1 ahh-aah! Please come back!! We miss you!!!
lovin the writing homey, keep it up
abeg babalaye update now
nice blog! you should read stella damasus' blog really good too. check it out
i just had time to read this Danfo head saga. YOU ARE A TRIP!!! Yeah dude you should have slapped blubber with a suspension. What nerve. But truth be told, you can't blame him too much, working in nigeria can turn someone into an animal. Infact these days i only see animals everywhere .. in ties, driving cars, hanging off the danfo buses ... animals, animals. everywhere. I NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!11
update oh babaalaye!!
babe update now!
which ones???
see me stalking ur blog like a psycho(lol)
did i just write babe?????(lol)

i meant BABA....D 1 AND ONLY BABA
Come, this boy, i hope you are not releasing state secret information on this your blog. You people and computer. See Dare now, that one na HOT HEAD.

Abeg, i dey go sleep now.
U alone 73 comments? dont you think its about time to update?
i didnt spend a whole day reading your posts,only to now be seeing danfo head everytime i click your page.time for something new!
April 24th?! PLEASE UPDATE!
this is getting ridiculous.

Dearest Baba-alaye,
I;m getting painfully worried about you. Days are slowly becoming weeks and yet no word from you....
When shall this still silence end? or is this the end of what we once waited for.......?
Please UPDATE YOUR BLOG!!! Geez!
You are too funny, come back quick...don't let those haters take u away from your fans...a beg start blogging again
@ Adaure
".....Infact these days i only see animals everywhere .. in ties, driving cars, hanging off the danfo buses ... animals, animals. everywhere. I NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!....."

You need to see a psychiatrist, an optician, a veterinarian and a witch doctor for a diagnosis.

Funniest joke to tide the weekend for me.

Loving you Girl
Stalking your page - a couple of times an hour. Went back to read all your past blogs and i can't wait for more.

A concerned fellow red devil is wondering if you are alright.


Please come back asap
(hope u haven't forgotten your password again...lol)
BABAALAYE we know you are missing mamaalaye who is in faraway Sweden but please update this blog for us.NOW!!!!
Na wa o, so many bloggers here. U are really very popular. Na wa o!
Update nowwww, so that i can make my own contribution. Every body here have said everything, i need a fresh post. lol.
BABA I saw your message o... what are you trying to do to me.. turn me into a stalker. Hmh...in this Lagos of no blokes you cannot be offering ROCK to babes any how oh. Lol. cheers

@anon.. for real .. i need to see all of the above. it is that bad
okay... so i heard so much about this blog and i'm here now... cant see what the fuss is about!

just kidding oh!!!!! before all your girlfriends pull my braids out!

great stuff. will be back o.
Okay, something is really wrong.
Where r u?
If anyone is bugging you, tell them that we know people that can make it look like an accident. They should wa bi kan ko si.
Please update now, ko da o
Boda la de pe yin
Hellooooooo, is anyone home?

There's a response I left for you on the comment you left on a Nija wife's blog



tomilola,y r u trying to stir things up? if u look at babaalaye and fineboy's comments pages, u'll see that they r actually friends. don't start any unecessary beef. babalaye we're waiting o!
You should write more considering how much people like ur blog,so do get talking some more.
guys do visit my blog http://afolabipieceofmind.blogspot.com/ and leave and leave ur comments
i am officially in love with u...i looked a tad bit psychotic at work today as i kept lauging at my excel sheet for apparently no reason (so they think).
Baba, do something now!
Yes, Babaalaye is missing Taurean Minx in far away Sweden...bcos na'im hook TM up to go on work training; whereas poor man pikin no fit eat even 1 morsel of eba sef a day. Now im eye deh 4 Adaure bodi; d girl weh him see deh read news 4 silverbird tv and Funmi Iyanda...haba wetin, Babaalaye you wan spread ur ugly gorrilla ass family gene pool?!Yeye OBJ UGLY PIKIN!
Baba Alaye,
my first time here. Figured out who you were after reading a bit. I like the way you throw in those "were town-council" things, you're a student of the "ten-second delayed insult" school.

Your comment-"I see a lot of people do that stupid laugh around my Father, and these are grown ass succesful Men."- The desire to gravitate around power does that. Don't you feel it even on your comments page sometimes?

Thanx for visiting my place. You'll be a part of the naija bloggers anthology?

Blogville should avoid East Coast/West Coast.
By Jove, this is the funniest post I've read in a long time!
I like your zany, thoroughly Naija style.
Wetin he do??
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